Habits

Sinking

Underneath the water’s surface

Floating on a boat towards nothing

Only to look at the sun’s horizon

As I sit wishing my mouth were not as dry

Probably from my own actions

This is what forgetting to drink water can accomplish.

Thoughts and hallucinations revive from a dark place.

In the back of my head

I go there to often circling around the drain.

Looking for new ways to torture myself with

Repeating useless thoughts

That never seem to end.

Swimming

Putting habits to extinction

Is when problems burst.

Exploding the stars above me

I will keep my head above water-

Even when there is no finish line.

Or land to seek.

That is okay because I only have one job.

That is to keep going,

For as long as I can.

Landing

Elevation feels effortless like walking on clouds.

Fluffy and light as I start to forget,

Almost forgetting what struggle feels like.

Until I turn my head and I see the saltwater whispering to me

And I design a tattoo to map out all my travels.

The good the bad the nightmares

There are unexpected detours still but that is okay.

Predators to watch for

For humans, a lot of times it is just yourself.

How beautiful the ocean water looks from here –

How easy it would be to test the waters.

And get lost in an endless void of time.

When things are less structured and forced

Time does not exist in a world of chaos.

But I don't want the clear sparkling water to fool me-

Note to self: there are sea monsters in those waters

That will scoop you up and bring you back.

To those dangerous old ways…

Magnify Me

My nights succumbed to endless vortices of thoughts,

Memories and puzzles scrambled around in my brain

But now I can sleep until those infamous silent bells wake me

And I remember those fight or flight days

Back with my conflicting ways

But now my beating heart and voice in unison

Hands together, as I try not to run

Because that's just the nature of me

But no not this time you see

I'll make my way finally

Finally facing that pain

Someone In Disguise

I see through your inked covered lies

It’s not so clever I can see behind your

Crystal eyes

Sometimes instead of your voice I’ll listen to the rain

It is what truly keeps me from going insane

Becoming one with my thoughts is more beautiful than sad

Unless if I drown along with the pitter patter -

Then it might become kinda bad

Yet I still want to figure out your story

There’s always a reason to the why

As there’s always a face to the who

I’ve known you for years

And I am still not sure if I know what to do

Do I trust someone who covers themselves up

With a personality that clearly doesn’t suit them

Do I hold your hand and say everything is okay?

When you do not do the same in return?

I watch from a distance as you shut the door

Behind you hide the key and I don’t see you anymore

It’s locked and people still try to knock it down

You block out the knocking so in your mind it doesn’t make a sound